Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
