I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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