Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
