I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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