He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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