dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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