i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
