Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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