ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
