So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
