Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
