I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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