I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my sisters under your porch take her home
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize