Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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