Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
