Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
