there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Small penises have feelings too.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
