found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
