What did we do last night that was yellow?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
