I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
