what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
