just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
ttyl tear gas
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
