I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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