Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
