I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize