You're so nebulous sometimes
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize