Moan for me like Helen Keller
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
