Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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