My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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