did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
