What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
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