i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
