I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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