You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We need to rekindle our bromance
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
