Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
