I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
