Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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