so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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