Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I just found puke in my bra..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
