it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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