Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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