I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
