Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If I die, sorry about rent.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
