I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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