I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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