he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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