my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
