just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
