I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
