You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
