dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize