I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
