hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
