party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
