Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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