There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
