so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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