I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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