When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
