You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
