just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize