I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
