I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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