dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
