Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
