I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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