im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you never un-have a 4some
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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