So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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