i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
