You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
