do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
