I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
