I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
