The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
