Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
