woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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