You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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