i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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