billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
