I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
