No awkward lesbian experiences without me
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
