just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
