Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
