how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
