I just pynch a tree in the face
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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