It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
