his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
did you just send me my own nude
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
