she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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