I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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