I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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