And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
