are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
