i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Porn is love you can see.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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