Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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