she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
