Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
