I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
