I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
