For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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