So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
