My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
