Whats the glycemic index on semen?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize