Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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